75-year-old, female, MS
We are all human. Warning: This post involves poop, reader discretion advised
This woman had Multiple Sclerosis (MS), and for those who may not know what that is, it is an autoimmune disease of the central nervous system. It affects people to varying degrees. In short: A person’s immune system attacks the myelin sheath that surrounds nerve fibers, impairing communication between a person’s brain and body.
Thus resulting in a person losing function of things they once had control over.
My sweet patient this day needed help eating, I fed her breakfast, and we talked. She and her husband had been married 50 years- you guys know I love that stuff. Her advice for a long-lasting and loving marriage was “patience and to put the other first.” I told her if I was around for lunch, I would gladly be back, but I wouldn’t count on it, and I would send someone else to make sure she was able to eat her lunch.
Later this day, she had an accident, and when I say accident, I mean overflowing diarrhea all over the chair she was sitting in, and it spilled onto the floor. I checked on her and found her sitting in it. I said, “why didn’t you call us? Your call button is right here! How long have you been sitting in this?” She said, “I didn’t realize I had gone until it had already happened, and I didn’t want to bother you because I know you guys are busy.” I called for some assistance and told her I was never to busy to get her cleaned up. That for the future, when she realized, I would appreciate it if she called and let us know it happened so we could come and help.
The 3 of us supported her weight as she stood up to move to the bed. We cleaned her up and proceeded to change the bedsheets. Some of the accident got on my pants. I didn’t flinch, I didn’t make a face, I felt it- but it wasn’t appropriate. Something I am actively working on is controlling my facial expressions. [Sidenote: the masks all day are not helping this challenge!]
I turned to grab some more wipes off the table, and she saw my pant leg. Understandably she proceeded to become embarrassed. She said, “Oh, no! Your leg! I am so sorry, it’s so embarrassing I can’t believe that at 75 years old, I still can’t control my bowels.”
I looked down at my pants like it was the first time I noticed it, and then I looked at her and said, “Hey, it’s okay. I have a washing machine! I’m not worried about it. Shit happens, and I have a question for you, I noticed just then you said ‘still can’t,’ has your MS been chronic OR 5 years ago were you able to control your bowels?”
She said she was.
I smiled and said, ‘Great, that’s what I thought. So none of this ‘Still can’t’ verbiage today. I took off my glove and gently touched her hand and said, “sometimes when we age, we lose the ability to control certain bodily functions, and that’s okay. It might be hard to accept or not what we envisioned for ourselves.
But can I let you in on a little secret?”
She nodded.
“I poop too.”
I said, “I poop too. And I have a washing machine, and if this happens again, I would like you to call me. I understand the feeling of embarrassment, but in the same breath, I don’t want you sitting in it.”
She smiled and said I was going to make her cry.
I smiled and said, I cry too.
I am grateful for this interaction because it reminded me that we are human, and we aren’t young forever. None of us are immune to lifes curveballs. Feelings, thoughts, fears, bodily functions- however awkward or uncomfortable.
We can do things now, and one day we won’t be able to.
It is important to move while we have the ability.
It is important to speak while we have the voice.
It is essential to cherish the little things and give ourselves grace.
Love you
– Nic
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