You are not alone

May is mental health awareness month; so, let’s talk about it.

This month also falls under the stay at home quarantine set in place across the nation. Yes, it is currently being lifted in phases. But the timing is quite fitting if you ask me.

People are home. Some are alone, some are trying to juggle kids and work, others are in unhealthy situations with abusive partners, and then more are falling under extreme financial hardship because they can’t go to work because their business is closed or they were furloughed and were already struggling to put food on the table before COVID19.

I read this beautifully written article last week, it compared what we are going through right now to a storm and how we are all in different ships in the ocean. Everyone has different resources and materials to work with to get through this “storm”, and some have more than others. I think this is important to keep in mind, even without a global pandemic. You never know what someone else’s life is like behind closed doors, and you don’t need to know, it’s their thing to share if they choose to do so. The takeaway here is to practice active kindness. Make a conscious effort to help one another. If you’re thinking about someone, tell them. Try to be some light through this darkness. Something small like a wave or a smile to a neighbor when you’re taking the trash out, shopping local for groceries at a farmer’s market, send some snail mail. You’d be surprised what a few small gestures can do.

I feel the significance of highlighting the importance of mental health now more than ever because this disruption from life as we knew it has without a doubt taken a toll on every single person in one way or another. Humans are inherently social creatures; put the extrovert or introvert debate aside. People need people, that’s just a fact of human nature. There’s a proverb that reads, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” There has always been power in number’s and teamwork. When times get tough, there are people to lean on and carry you until you are good to stand on your feet again.

Lean on your people. I am so fortunate to have been raised in a home where my parents repeatedly told my brother and I throughout our childhood and teenage years that “nothing is ever that bad where you can’t talk to someone (and figure out whatever is going on)” Whether it was a parent, family friends, aunts, uncles, friends or cousins.

If no one has told you that before I would like you to take a second and reread that quote. “Nothing is ever that bad where you can’t talk to someone.” I want you to hear me when I say that you are not alone, you are important and so unbelievably loved, even if it doesn’t feel that way at the time. Talk about it. Share it. Don’t battle it alone. 1 in 5 people live with a mental illness. Whether it’s a mood disorder; depression, anxiety, bipolar or something more severe.

Our brains are extremely complex organs, and sometimes we need help deciphering them, I know I do. Therefore, going to counselling, seeing a psychologist for therapy or getting medicine to help you function day to day from a psychiatrist are all great things, if not abused. I am so glad that people have these outlets. If not utilized, that’s cool too. I just want it to be known that these resources are available for a reason and are awesome resources for support.

It’s helpful to think of your brain like a muscle, let’s think about when we tear a muscle in our leg. What do you do? Rest it, ice to reduce swelling initially, maybe some heat to promote blood flow and healing, compression and then you elevate the injury above your heart (RICE).

It’s going to be some different steps, more long term of a process and more of a conscious effort but the same rule applies for the brain. Sometimes we just need some help and that is never anything to be ashamed of.

These past two months alone: weddings were postponed, graduations postponed, family members died, and funerals couldn’t be held in their honor, vacations and bachelorette parties cancelled. Some of it without a refund. Schools are cancelled for the year. Loss of jobs. The economy has tanked. People are struggling to make ends meet. Our elderly populations that reside in nursing homes are closed off to the public, so they don’t have any visitors. Immuno-compromised individuals are scared because they are high risk. Healthcare workers are living away from their families, not hugging their kids. These are all sad things, tough in their own ways and all add stress onto an already stressful time.

I’m going to be blunt for a second: sometimes life just sucks and doesn’t go as we planned. There are factors that are completely out of our control. Figure out what they are and don’t try to change them. I think it’s important to roll with the punches as best as you can. I have loved watching the creativity blossom in this hardship.

I’ve seen scavenger hunts through zoom, chess games through a screen, families eating together, photo-shoots on facetime, exercising in the backyard with neighbors in their respective backyard, drive through birthday celebrations, only to name a few. Sure, not an ideal situation, but even more beautiful because of the thought and effort that went into it.

I have a rule for myself. If you’ve read my post on alcohol I set up various rules for myself because I like structure. It works for me. If I am feeling sad, hurt or whatever emotion it might be (Lord knows I have a lot of them) I allow myself to feel them, if I need a pity party of 1 for a few hours, I have one. You bet: cry, eat some ice cream, take too long of a shower, sit quietly and stare because my mind is thinking through everything I physically can’t do anything else. But I try not to let it go on longer than that, after I’ve thought it through and assessed the changeable variables I make a conscious effort to change my outlook. I get up, put on a face mask, blast some feel good music, make myself some food and recently I’ve been dancing it out. Your thoughts, the story you tell yourself becomes your reality. Pause and redirect, it takes practice but it works.

These are weird times, no one in our lifetime or our parent’s lifetimes for that matter have been through something like this. It’s uncharted territory for all and everyone handles things differently. My mental health day is probably different than yours and that’s great.

If you want to work out, awesome, endorphins are magic.

If you want to sit on the couch and binge New Girl, The Office or Brooklyn Nine Nine, that’s great too, I love a good laugh.

How good does a nap sound? Turn off that big beautiful brain. Meditation? It’s uncomfortable at first but WORTH.

Baking, anyone? I know, I have such a sweet tooth.

I don’t want anyone to feel pressured into doing anything they don’t need to right now. If you enjoy staying busy; listen to a podcast, paint, write, go for a walk, have a water balloon fight outdoors. If you can relax, don’t be afraid to take a break. Press pause, but make sure you continue.

I’m 1 in 5. You are not alone. We’re all just out here doing our best.